Where is she?

I’m hungry. I feel my stomach empty. I feel my jeans too tight. I feel the weight of my love handles stuck and squashed in my skinny high-waisted jeans.

Why not change into jogging pants? Because it feels worse – no, I don’t feel my gut being smooshed by the zipper and buttons in my jogging pants, bt on the rare occassion that I look in the miror and see myself – or at least this woman that ressembles an empty, exhausted and older version of myself – I will be completely destroyed.

Or maybe it’s the contrary? When I look at old pictures of myself, sometimes I have no clue who that girl is and honestly, it scares me. It scares me because it means that she’s gone and will probably never come back.

That’s scary.

Actually, that’s fucking terrifying.

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