Three words most women are familiar with.
I am sorry.
I am sorry for giving you attitude.
I am sorry for reacting.
I am sorry for not thinking of your feelings.
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.
This is a phrase that has been the constant in my life. I felt as though I had done something wrong each time someone told me otherwise. I’m sorry I don’t have the same opinion as you. I have used this sentence so often in my life, sometimes I wonder if I truly am sorry.
As a person. As a daughter. As a woman. As a mother, I am constantly catching myself repeating these 3 simple words. 3 words that, lately, have been my catch-phrase.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you not to share my personal information. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you not to post my picture. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you not to announce my news to the world. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about having my second. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you – wait, why the fuck do I have to be sorry that you are selfish? Why do I have to be sorry that you cannot keep a secret? Why do I have to be sorry that I wanted something personal to stay that way? Why do I have to be sorry?
I don’t.
Maybe there is a reason I am giving you attitude. Maybe I realised that I am not the person responsible for your problems. Maybe there is a reason I didn’t think about you. Maybe, if you took your time, you would look at me and see a grown ass woman who doesn’t need to be held responsible for everyone else. But that’s unlikely. We don’t hold ourselves responsible anymore. We blame others, it’s much easier that way.
So it becomes my fault. My fault. Ouf, that’s hard to hear. Well, at least that is how I should feel. Turns out, I’m used to things being my fault. Hence why “I am sorry” is my catch-phrase.
I guess it’s easier to accept the blame and have everyone else feel better about themselves than reject it and start fights. Fights in which I will end by saying how sorry I am, obviously.
